I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
