I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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