well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
