I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
you will always have a special place in my vag
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
