Heybabeimwearingurpanties
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
