i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
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