Sponge bath it is.
there's paper in my vomit.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Randomize
