can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
