a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Randomize
