Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
NoShamevember. You game?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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