My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
