I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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