I hate all girls vehemently.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
