i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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