Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Randomize
