Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
