somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
