She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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