I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
So much rum. So many feels.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
