I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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