dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
