found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
