Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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