Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
