im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Randomize
