Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Fuck now we have to have sex
In a bet, need to win
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
