anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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