DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
