Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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