She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
