I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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