the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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