I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I got inside last night via doggy door
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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