...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
