My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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