Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
