I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
