saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
