You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
