i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
