I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
