tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
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