So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
