My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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