wat bout pragnant strippers??
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
