i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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