Your dad touched me again.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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