I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
