omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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