3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Dear god my vagina.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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