I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
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