Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
