He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
