Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
