Will you blow on my dice?
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Randomize
