Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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